Self-Growth Is Not Comfortable, But Don’t Be Held Back

“Discomfort is a wise teacher.” -Caroline Myss

This past year has consisted of one profound test after another in the love department; each person I became involved with unearthed another area for improvement within myself. Whether that meant moving at a slower pace or learning more about healthier attraction patterns, it has been a rocky path full of self-growth. The most uncomfortable choice I’ve had to make, however, was to be more decisive about what I want and need from relationships. I’ve chosen to default to singlehood unless there is someone who truly deserves to be integrated into my life.

I lead a wonderful life –I don’t need someone else beside me. That doesn’t mean I don’t want someone, but rather I don’t expect them to complete me or want them there as a placeholder. I kept finding myself in relationships with men who didn’t understand me, and I didn’t understand them either. Strong feelings for each other weren’t enough to sustain us. What I needed to do was  redefine for myself the parameters of developing a healthy relationship with others. Oftentimes I doubted myself when I would let go of people who didn’t fit what I needed in order for a healthy relationship to flourish, but that doesn’t mean I made the wrong decisions. These were simply growing pains.

Change can be very uncomfortable. You may start to doubt the ultimate positive impact of the changes you want to make when discomfort begins to arise. This does not necessarily mean you won’t be able to make these changes; however, it means that you have to push through that period of discomfort until the changes become integrated into your life. For example, you may want to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love and try different techniques to do so, such as  regularly making lists of what you love about yourself or repeating a mantra such as I love myself, I love myself, I love myself. You may feel uncomfortable with that because you might be used to the opposite: I hate myself. A deeper sense of self-love will develop over time as it become more familiar. Crossing well-established boundaries into new territory feels weird, but it’s important to reach your full potential.

For me, I was familiar with certain sets of attraction and relationship patterns that were ultimately self-destructive. Allowing myself the freedom to be independent and to choose those who are best for me felt weird. Sometimes people default back to familiar destructive patterns because they feel more safe and comfortable with them, but that’s simply a trick of the mind. Let yourself embrace the discomfort and make real change in your life.