Self Expression Sunday #4

I wrote this poem to describe an important part of my personal work towards healing from trauma. As someone who has very rarely felt anger prior to this experience, one of the most difficult parts of processing the trauma was allowing myself to feel angry. Though I had previously internalized the belief that anger was inherently harmful and destructive, I learned that it can be an important part of a healing process. Though anger can be healing, this poem also describes the complicated memories and feelings that anger can bring up. 

Rage 

Sometimes healing looks like rage. 

Amidst an impenetrable wall of confusion, 

Resentment surges beneath the surface, 

Growing with every heartbeat 

Until denial shoves it down. 

But time eases numbness  

And though this body still feels foreign, 

I somehow must reconcile 

My embodied personhood 

With the invisible mark that remains. 

Some say it made me stronger  

And yet, 

I still cannot comprehend 

The part of me that’s gone for good 

Left with the one who hurt me most. 

I was never warned 

That evil could be a friend in disguise 

And now I’m left asking 

Why this? 

Why me?